Home » Advice » Got a Teenager? » Boundaries

Boundaries

  1. Setting boundaries for teenagers

    When a child is small, we often use boundaries to protect them and keep them away from harm or danger. But it is important that you explain why boundaries are there - for instance, if you pull away from an open fire explain why. 

    When parents give orders, teenagers often dig in their heels. One way to stop this happening is to let them know why something is important.

    Setting boundaries for teenagers is about setting the bottom line or making agreements about what is acceptable and what is not.

    Boundaries work far better if they are made and agreed together with teenagers. When teenagers see the sense of it, or know you've taken their opinions into account, they are more motivated to co-operate. 

    As children grow, most will test...

    Read more

  2. Empty nest syndrome

    We do hear from parents on how they cope with the empty nest syndrome and this is what they say. 

    Acknowledge how you feel.

    You may all feel quite stressed when getting ready for your kids leaving home. Lots of your time may be taken up with helping them to get things ready.

    Talk about it. If arguments are flaring up near to the time when your kids are leaving home, talk about how you are feeling. But remember to try not to make your child feel guilty about flying the nest as this will cause resentment.

    You may feel quite a shock when they are gone - almost like grieving. Think about ways of keeping in touch if they don't live round the corner, such as learning how to email. Or, if they have moved locally invite them over for dinner or...

    Read more

  3. Your Teenager Needs You

    Your teenager still needs you, but sometimes it's easy to forget that whilst being an adult has all sorts of stresses and strains, being a teenager isn't always that great either. First of all, they are at a difficult age when they're no longer seen either as children or as adults. Secondly, their hormones are racing, they're under pressure from friends and the latest trends won't leave them alone. 

    These are just some of the issues that lead to mood swings and tantrums that we commonly associate with teenagers. It would probably help if you tried to handle the problems whilst remembering that: 

    Teenagers need love
    Despite the cool and distant image they are still in need of care and attention. Don't let them fool you...

    Read more

  4. How to live happily with your teen

    …with a little thought on both sides you can live happily with your teenager.

    For most of us, living with a teen can often feel like a stranger has moved in. The long summer holidays can be a particularly tense time, when teens want to kick back and relax after end of term exams. They want to sleep in late and party till the small hours with their mates. You may feel you’re drowning in their mess. So, what do you do? 

    Paula Hall, Relate counsellor, psychotherapist and mum of two teenage daughters, says living together happily through the teen years works best if clear boundaries are set early.

    “Decide what your ‘bottom line’ is and stick to it,” says Paula. “In our house the rule for my daughters is: tidy up after yourself and cook...

    Read more

  5. Teen sleepovers and parties – setting the rules

    How to say yes – or no – when your teen wants to have sleepovers and parties.

    When your teen asks to have friends to sleep over – maybe after a party – or asks to sleep over at a friend’s with a group of other teens, your first response may be a downright NO. Visions of out-of-control drinking, drug taking or unprotected sex probably flash through your mind. 

    But the fact is, at some point you are going to have to take a risk and leave your teenager on their own with others. Says Paula Hall, Relate counsellor, psychotherapist and mum of two teenage daughters: “If you feel you always need to be there to supervise, you need to ask yourself: what is it you are worried about that might go on – and what really are the chances of that happening?

    “If...

    Read more

  6. A parents guide to surviving the empty nest syndrome this autumn

    The build up and the loss: Thousands of parents will be hit by the empty nest syndrome this month as their children head off for universities and colleges around the country. National charity Family Lives is offering top tips for parents preparing for the big send off and asks ‘what can parents do to prepare themselves?’ Tensions can run high in the lead up to the new term. The stressful last minute packing, the pearls of wisdom which seem to fall on deaf ears and the thought of financial strife can lead to arguments flaring up at a time when you want to enjoy your children before you lose them to a new life as a Fresher.

    Parents may be anxious about their child’s life skills as they prepare to live away from home for the first time and worry if they will...

    Read more