Behaviour

By Michele O’Connor, mum of Calum, Millie, Alfie and Tess

It’s the scene every parent dreads: the screeches of an upset three-year-old, running to her mum, because your ‘little angel’ has just bitten her. Hurtful behaviour - snatching toys, scratching, biting, pinching and kicking - is actually quite common in pre-school children. But just how do you deal with it?

Is it bullying?

“It isn’t helpful to label this behaviour as ‘bullying’,” says child psychologist Dr Rachel Calam. These acts of ‘aggression’ occur so often – and are usually unplanned and without understanding of the consequences, she explains. Bullying, on the other hand, involves the persistent physical or verbal abuse of another...

Sue Allen:

“My daughter was ‘outed’ in the sixth form. Prior to that she’d been pushed into doorways, and people wouldn’t sit next to her in case they ‘caught’ it. She went to a teacher she knew and trusted, to ask for advice, and the teacher simply quizzed her on why she thought she was gay. Then the teacher asked her if she’d been abused.” Sue’s daughter came out to her when she left school and told her about the teacher’s comments some years later. “I was appalled by the teacher’s behaviour,” says Sue. “Luckily my daughter tried talking to another teacher who found her some support groups for gay people, and she hasn’t looked back.’”

Alan, 13, secondary school, Scotland*:

“I get called names all the time at school, especially...

Article by Michele O’Connor

Terrified to let your child have a sleepover? Fed up with wet sheets and night-time nappies? According to official figures, over 750,000 children in the UK wet their beds at night. Bedwetting occurs most nights in 15% of five-year-olds and is still a problem for 3% of all 15 year-olds.

However, because it’s a taboo subject, the real figures for older children could be much higher. It’s significant that night-time ‘nappies’ are widely available in sizes to fit children up to 15 years old. There are many different strategies recommended to help parents deal with their child’s bedwetting. Some work for some families, not for others and there seems to be no definitive cure. Wet beds aren’t just an inconvenience. When an older...

Children are far more likely to co-operate if they feel trusted and part of a team. Giving them choices focuses their attention on action rather than resistance: 'You can catch the last bus home from the party at 10 or we'll come and collect you at 11. You choose.' Rescuing or punishing your child doesn't help them make the link between their own actions and what happens because of them. Letting them deal with the consequences does: 'You wore your school shoes to play in and now they're muddy. There's a cloth under the sink.'

Tips

• During an outburst try to stay calm and after your child has calmed down, talk about what happened, their feelings and help them work out how they can behave differently the next time they feel like that.
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