Crisis point

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Farnesy
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Joined: 14/07/2011
Posts: 7
Crisis point

Hi

I should start and say my son is 20 so not strictly a teen but this has been going on for about 4/5 years.  

Basically he has just been sacked from his second job which I got for him.  Everything was going really well and we seemed back on track but now this.  We have just had a very heated discussion by email - we cannot speak to each other as he is never in the house when we are as he avoids us and his bottom line is that he is trying to get on the housing list and then he hasn't got to see me again.

When he does come home he lays in bed till the afternoon, he does nothing in the house and never eats with us.  I have thrown away so much food when I have cooked for him and he does not come back that I refuse to cook for him anymore.  If he does come back and there's no dinner cooked for him he storms back out so now he rarely eats with us or even at home.

He does not do his own laundry, his sister does it for him.  He uses all of our stuff in the house without asking, has people in while we are at work which he knows is not allowed, he borrows money from his sister almost menacingly.

All the time now when I try and speak to him it descends to a row because he starts to swear and shout.  He is a moron, just an out and out moron and I cannot believe he is my child.  All his friends are morons but they are morons that work and that is what I don't get.  I am a police officer, when I suggest joining up or joining the specials he just swears and says 'we are all pr*cks, f*ck that job' .  I go to domestics and see that it happens in other homes too and I am always saddened as to why seemingly well brought up children (such as my son is) end up like this.

 

I am at a loss.  I feel like it is my fault.  I was single for a long time with my son and his younger sister, I was very firm bringing them up, as I was brought up and money was tight but I always worked and made sure they had nice things.  He has no value of money or items or anyone elses belongings.  I have been with my husband for 7 years and there has always been friction between him and my son but my husband does make an effort to get on with my son but it's wearing thin because of his behaviour.

My son did say initially it was because I had met someone and I have tried to share myself with all my family but can't help feeling like I did the wrong thing in marrying someone.  My husband is a good man, works hard, is generous with the children and when my son first started getting into trouble, was the one who tried to give him some guidance and help and acted as a mediator between us both.

My heart is broken, again, because we have been at this juncture before.  He says he hates me, and wants nothing more to do with me.  I deal with some very horrible people and it's water off a ducks back but my own child.........................:-((((

Please.....................anyone tell me this will soon be a distant memory.

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Joined: 26/11/2009
Posts: 630

Hi Farnesy,

I can understand that you are feeling so upset about this situation you find yourself in with your son.  His behaviour sounds hurtful and abusive and it must be really hard to be able to find a way forward with him when he is acting in this way towards you.  He sounds very angry and aggressive and it must be difficult to be able to have any meaningful conversation with him when it is so hard to get through to him. 

It sounds as though you feel in desperate need of some support with all you are currently going through with him.  Please email us on parentsupport@familylives.org.uk with full details of your situation so that we can go through your options with you.  You may prefer to chat with someone via our Live Chat service.  You can do this by clicking on the tab at the top left hand side of this webpage.  You will find our opening hours on the link below.

http://familylives.org.uk/how-we-can-help/online-chat

In the meantime, I do hope other parents respond to your message as it can be helpful to feel you are not alone in a situation.  They may be able to share their own experiences and offer you some useful advice. 

Regards,

Moderator

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