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Everything is falling apart

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Wed, 07/11/2012 - 01:16
#1
Shelleybaby77
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Joined: 07/11/2012
Posts: 1
Everything is falling apart

I am at my wits end and don't know who or where to turn!

My teenage son is 14 and is currently on a fixed term exclusion from school (10 days). Tomorrow he is due to attend a special school - intrim education centre for 4 school days. A lot of these children have complex needs and have dne very wrong things to get excluded for. My son has been excluded for failing to follow instructions. He would not remove his hooded jumper. This is an ongoing problem along with using his mobile in lessons. He seems to have an obsessive urge to check it.

Well anyway he went for the induction on Monday and she evidently is very scary (as confirmed by my husband). We have an appointment at the school today where 3 of them took turns to tell my son how out of order he has been etc. One of these adults has an obvious dislike of my son and spent the whole time staring at him! I have been very supportive of the school as well as of my son.

Tonight my son has kicked off and is refusing to go tomorrow. He is sooooooooo angry. Says he has done nothing wrong, that I always take his brothers' side (they are 16 and he is in 6th form doing very well and 10 with a recent diagnosis of ADHD), he hates being here, I embarrassed him at school for threatening to take his phone etc. He was so desperately upset and I hate it. I hate the thought of him being upset. Something deeper is wrong. He gets angry, punches the wall and doors and seems to be losing weight rather quickly. I love him so much and am so worried.

I don't profess to be a perfect parent but by god I am trying my best. However I feel a complete and utter failure. We have had problems in the past but then doesnt every family. My husband used to be verbally abusive after he had been drinking, physically twice but we worked through that. He got help and has come out the other side. It was very infrequent but I feel I have messed my family up somehow.

I hate seeing my son upset. The other side of the equation is I am worried about what will happen if he doesnt go to this centre and can't go back to school. What will happen? What do I need to do?

I am terrified. My life is falling apart :'(

Hope someone can help

Michelle x

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Fri, 09/11/2012 - 11:40
#2
Moderator
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Joined: 26/11/2009
Posts: 630

Hi Shelleybaby77,

My heart goes out to you in this situation you find yourself in with your son.  I can appreciate that you are feeling concerned about the way he is acting and it must be really hard to know how best to deal with the problems you are having with him.  All this is clearly having an enormous impact upon you and your family and I can understand that you feel in desperate need of some support right now.

Please email us on parentsupport@familylives.org.uk with full details of the difficulties you are facing with your son so that we can go through your options with you.  You consider contacting us using our Live Chat service, if you would prefer.  You can do this by clicking on the tab at the top left hand side of this webpage. 

We look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Moderator

 

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Mon, 12/11/2012 - 00:48
#3
jammy
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Joined: 12/11/2012
Posts: 1

 

I can see how hard for you to sort this difficult situation. First of all you are a good mother and do not blame your self. Children nowadays go through a very hard time as too much information out there on the internet and too much pressure from peers and teachers etc. People in general do not treat teenagers with respect as they are stereotyped all the  same. Children young as four are getting excluded from school for a trivial problem.

My advice to you is first as a mother be there for your son. TELL him that you LOVE him and care about him what ever happens and show him you trust him and respect him. He is already victimsed by all adults and last thing he need is that his parents look at him with doubt. Listen to him actively and pay attention what he is trying to tell. When he get his confidence back he will able able to take control of his life. Ask hime what his ambitions and what he want to be when he leave school and encourage him to aim high. Talks of distant future might help him to see his future and hopes. School is only a small part of his life and explain him there is a big future there and he need to some time do things even if he does not like so he can get reach where he want to go. How important to have GCSE to reach his ambitions.bring anything that is positive in him and tell  him how you liked him when he listened to him.

ensure he has no  other learning or medical condition ADHD tends to run in families Often parents and siblings have the trait and if so get checked by doctor or paediatrician and get the right support. Get help to understand educational beurocracy and policy on exclusion. Have they been fare on him.

Also be firm and consistent and make him understand that you want him to be responsible and respectful.

I hope you will find a solution but remember  to be there for your son. He will turn around and  get back on tract

 

 

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