I have 2 children a 6 month old and a 3 n half old. My eldest just will not do as shes told. She used to be so good but this last year shes a terror. Shes never been a big eater but lately she has just got terrible at eating, I think she does it to wind me up and I just cant help but shout at her. I know it doesnt work and even at the time of shouting i think why am i doing this but i just cant help it, i just scream and shout at her. I even broke down and cried in front of her earlier. I wish i could be a better mum, like my friends are with their children. My temper is getting worse and shorter and i feel like i just want to shut myself away in a dark room and hide from my children - awful I know! I reward her if shes good and if shes bad i punish her with taking her toys away or putting her in her bedroom i dont smack unless she has done something really bad and then its a tap on the hand but nothing seems to work. I just dont know what to do any more, i want to cry and scream all the time! My partner works alot but as soon as he gets home if i ask him too he will take over and give me a rest but im too embarrased to tell him that i feel like im at breaking point and just cant cope anymore :(
some times its hard. this age( well it gets worse from here) You don;t want to be to hard but you don;t want them ruleing the roost. All i can say is that i have 4 girls and they are as stubun as you are. try turning away and just calm your self down. stick to your guns and cook as normal well they think it is if you do some think you know they eat every other day no harm will come to them. they don;t eat they go to bed without, they will learn to eat up. some times its a test of wills and you will have to win it or otherwise they rule.Its hard because you want to make sure they know your in charge. But the best thing I can say is when you think things have got to much, go off to the tolet and just gather your thoughts, you can do this you just have to show your smarter.
I had a similar issue with my son. I found that ignoring him when he refused to eat or pushed his plate away etc was the best tactic for me as if I raised my voice it ended up with me feeling frustrated and him upset so he couldn't eat his dinner at that point because he was crying! It also made every mealtime a battle to the extent when I would be tense and irritable before i'd even put his plate in front of him!
Structure and routine worked well for me. I praise him when he's been good even over daft things and ignore negative behaviour. You could always try praising when she's having a snack something like 'you're being very good and eating that nicely' etc you know what I mean and see if that helps.
Either way deep calming breaths and talking about how you feel to your partner will probably help. I don't think it makes anyone a bad parent or weak or silly etc if they ask for help. If you need support try talking to friends/family or a gp/health visitor. Every parent reaches breaking point, I've been there several times!!!
What's important to remember is your friends will have had similar issues with their children you may just not be aware of it and everyone's individual so a tactic that I used or one of your friends use may not work for you and vice versa. Just be consistent and talk to someone.
hope it helps
As a mother of 6 I found a solution to "eating traumas" after my 1st child.
He was a nightmare, would only eat a couple of foods and I used to get really stressed thinking he'd starve to death!
I'd give in to stupid things like his demands for "wotsits and choc pudding" for tea etc just to get something down him so he didnt go to bed with an empty tum. It was my health visitor who told me that no child would ever starve themselves and to stop giving in to him.
So, shortly before my 2nd child was born I started to give my son 3 meals a day...I made him sit at the table and produced toast and cereal for breakfast, sandwich and yogurt for lunch and something like fishfingers and beans for tea...and NO snacks!
On the 1st day he ate almost nothing and tantrum'd almost constantly demanding crisps etc but I didnt give in.
On the 2nd day he was starving and wolfed down his breakfast....mucked about a bit at lunch and tea but the message was going in.."what is put on the table is all you have, nothing else"
After a week my son was eating 3 good healthy meals a day and I was able to introduce snacks and treats again.
I adopted this with all the others and I dont have 1 bad eater...they will all eat fruit and veg and even seafood! My kids know that they have to sit at the table while they eat.
Stay cool about it...put a meal in front of your daughter, if, after 10 minutes she hasnt eaten then take it away and let her wait for the next mealtime..dont nag her to eat, a simple "here is your lunch, I've cut your sandwich into triangles for you" and then sit and eat your own and let her get on with it...or not!...honestly she will soon get the message...remember to offer lots of water though although not just before mealtimes as it may fill her up.
Hope this helps...it's hard and believe me she will drive you insane for a few days mithering for snacks but it's worth it in the end.