hello we have a new head teacher at our school it all started when my friend went to see her about bullying she told my friend that a 5 year old cant be a bully then tryed to get the kid to say it wasnt on perpus then then tryed to get the kid to say mummy told it was bullying couldnt believe my ears and wot she was doing didnt really sink in at first untill my son started to get bullyed and i had to go in again with him she said if it only happens once its not bullying yes its mean but thats it then she tryed to pass the blame on to him and said he shouldnt have been in the year 6 play ground he tryed to say that the dinner ladys let him but she just kept on blaming him for it so i pushed and push for something to happen she said she will look into it i said can you please let me know at the end of the day how it went she said yes thats fine im still waiting that was last week now wot i reaaly wont to no is is it true that its not called not bullying if it only happens once thank you gemma
Hello. With all due respect, I think this direct.gov definition of bullying allows schools to excuse many instances of bullying. Can I make a few points:
1 - Many instances of bullying aren't reported or noticed by school staff, so staff assume that the first reported incident is the first incident, and therefore do not call it 'bullying' and don't have to log it on record as bullying so stats look articifically better. I find it sad that schools would rely on such a criteria as 'repetition' and give bullies the benefit of doubt at the expense of targets and their welfare. Yes, bullying is usually repeated attacking of one target, but that doesnt mean a child is not bullied just because it only happens once or twice.
2. A 5 year old can be a bully. Absolutely. All that changes with age is they get better at concealing it and manipulating adults
3. The fact that the school is slow to respond, or doesnt respond at all, is indicative they are trying to hide something. If they had nothing to hide, they would get back to the parent, wouldnt they. No response is a sign of guilt, extremely lacking in basic respect towards the parent, and avoiding the issue, and this is a major problem at many state schools in the UK (lacking respect towards parents)
4. The fact they tried to blame the target also shows denial, and is also awful and in a way worse than the actual bullying incident itself
Ironically, children are encouraged by teachers to 'tell, tell, tell' if something is wrong, but when they do tell, they often are disbelieved or their problem minimised, and this only makes children feel as though grown ups, who are supposed to help, don't care about them, or worse, don't believe them and therefore cannot be trusted, so victims then remain quiet, and the school assumes no bullying. Most victims of bullying who report bullying do not lie, yet often, no or little action is taken against the bully and the complaining parent is seen as a pest and trouble maker and made to feel as if they did something wrong - all of it, utterly dysfunctional
Hi Gemma,
Whilst I can understand that unpleasant behaviour towards your child is very upsetting, if it was a one off incident then it would not be classed as bullying. However, I would hope that the incident was addressed in a satisfactory manner and the culprits were warned about their behaviour towards your child. The following statement is taken from the Direct.Gov website.
Bullying can be defined as deliberately hurtful behaviour that is repeated over a period of time.
I hope this clarification is helpful to you. Should you wish to discuss what has happened to your son and the impact that it may have had upon him then please contact our email support team at parentsupport@familylives.org.uk
Regards,
Moderator.