very difficult 13yr old... help

2 posts / 0 new
Last post
welshsue
Offline
Joined: 14/07/2011
Posts: 1
very difficult 13yr old... help

Hi
I have a 13yr old son who is going off the rails and I am finding it increasingly difficult to control him.
His attitude is terrible, shouts and swears at both me and his dad if he cannot get his own way. Refuses to keep his bedroom tidy or help around the house, then demands money for his phone.
He has started air cadets which he loves and I really hoped this would do him good and start teaching him respect etc but how wrong I was. He is fine there but starts again when he gets home. He gets on well at school and is in top set for most of his subjects, he just seems to let his anger out at home.

He asked me last week if he could go to town to see his "girlfriend" (he has only seen her twice but they chat on facebook), I said no because of his attitude. Got up this morning and he has gone, left me a note saying he has gone out for the day,dont ring him or call Police, he will be back at 8ish tonight. I am at my wits end, we live in a small rural village with no public transport. He has taken his bike but the town is 7 miles away and the roads are dangerous. I have sent him a text saying "okay, you have your day but I want you home by 8" and had no response.

I don't know what to do, I also have a 4yr old son who is being affected by all the shouting and swearing and hides in my lap when his brother throws a strop.

It is not helping my marriage, my husband and I have started rowing and are constantly stressed by this and I am worried we will end up splitting. I am registered disabled and my husband is my full time carer so I heavily rely on him, I have enough stresses with my health without all this with my son.
I hope someone can offer some advise as getting desperate now.
Thanks

clover3
Offline
Joined: 14/07/2011
Posts: 832

They can be really hard work can't they?! I know what you are going through.

Firstly have a chat with your husband & agree with each other that the 2 of you are on the same side and must stay friends and united during this trying time...... Breaking up would make his behaviour far worse. It can be a strain I agree, me and my hubby argued but I think if you agree on a certain approach and you agree on the ground rules and consequences then you won't fall out.

Have you a few house rules and consequences in place that your son knows about & understands? He needs to know that if he swears at you there will be a consequence and that if he feels he is getting wound up it's best to walk away and to come back when calm to discuss what's making him angry, then he will avoid getting into trouble.

Of course it's only natural that he will get angry sometimes, he's at that age & stage but it's learning not to go over the top and not to scare his little brother.

Give him lots of praise for doing so well at school & not letting you down with bad behaviour, that is a real bonus so please dont underestimate how good that is.

Rewards and consequences are the way forward and I would suggest you and your
hubby take a look at the books about parenting teens on Amazon, I found them an interesting read.

When he gets home, make sure he knows that if he goes off again without permission you will take his phone for a few days or whatever sanction you think best.

Best wishes,

Clover x

Login to post comments