Contacting your child's school about bullying

Taking the first step

If your child has been experiencing bullying at school, it is important to take the first step and contact the school. Calmly explain what has been happening and request a meeting. Schools have a legal duty to safeguard your child so requesting a copy of relevant policies such as anti-bullying policies, behaviour policy and safeguarding policy can help you understand their duties to keep your child safe. There is more information on this preventing and tackling bullying guidance from GOV.UK. Gathering information about the bullying is important. Speak to the school to find out the following:   

• How your child is getting on with others in class and raise any issues of conflict with other children
• Has the teacher noticed that your child seems unhappy and isolated and is being excluded from games in the playground or regularly not having a partner to work with in class

At this point, request a face to face meeting with the school so that you can find a way to resolve the bullying and get support for your child.

Meeting with the school

Meeting with the school is an important step to help get the bullying resolved. As hard as it may be at time, try to keep calm throughout the meeting so you are able to think clearly and get your points, thoughts and feelings across to the school. Take notes of what is being discussed and what actions will be taken. If you can. take someone with you to the meeting as they can give you moral support and help to take notes too.

Set out your expectations of what you feel would help to get the bullying resolved. The school may not be able to confirm that they can do this, but it is important to let them know what you would like to see. If you feel the school is not meeting you halfway, discuss their anti-bullying policy so they can be reminded of their duties to safeguard your child.

Make a plan for a way forward and set out some agreed objectives with the school that are realistic and help to keep your child safe. Set out some timelines of what you would like to see and when. Ask what the sanctions are if the bullying is not resolved such as isolation, exclusion, etc.

Ask what the teacher suggests would be the best way of sorting it out. At a primary school perhaps, the supervisors could take a more active role in the playground by keeping an eye on your child and ensuring that people are not excluded from games.

Ask the class teacher, or the head of year at secondary school, if they can keep an eye on the situation and let you know if they have any concerns. They may be able to designate a safe person or a safe space that your child can go to if they are feeling vulnerable or overwhelmed.

They may have a buddy or peer mentoring system in place at the school, find out if your child can access this. It may help to find out if there is some form of counselling support available that your child can be referred to because bullying can be very traumatic and your child may need support to overcome this.

Steps to take if the bullying continues

Schools have a duty of care, and allowing a child to be continually bullied when the school has been alerted to the problem could be seen as a breach of that duty. You may need to:

• Keep a diary of what your child says is happening. This should include dates, times and details of the incident together with any witnesses
• Write a note to the class teacher or head of year, explaining that the problem is still unresolved and ask for their support in helping to tackle this
• Suggest that contact between the bully and your child is monitored and limited, perhaps by the bully moving to another table or set
• Ask for your letter to be put onto your child's school file, together with a note of action taken. You can ask to see a copy of your child’s record to ensure that these have been accurately recorded although you will probably have to pay for copying charges
• Ask for a follow-up meeting after a couple of weeks to discuss how things are going

That often does the trick, but if not, it's time to write to the head teacher, outlining everything that has gone on, and including evidence from the diary to back up your complaint. You also have the option of copying this to the Board of Governors. Putting a complaint in writing is essential so that there is a record of your concern, and this puts the situation on a more formal footing. 

Ask for a copy of your complaint to the head teacher to be answered in writing and for a copy of it to be put onto your child's school file with a note of action taken. If the school asks you to go in to discuss the matter, then try to take someone with you for a bit of moral support. Make notes of the points you want to make beforehand and be firm and polite. It is important to keep calm. 

After the meeting, send an email to the school outlining the points of the meeting and action you have been told they will be taking. If you weren't happy with what you were told at the meeting, then explain the reasons in the email. If you do receive a response from the head teacher or the governers, and you are not happy with their response, you can take this further by reading our advice on what to do if the school has not resolved the bullying.