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Taking time off school because of bullying
It is totally understandable when a young person doesn't want to go to school because they are experiencing bullying. When a young person feels targeted in this way, they may go into fight or flight mode and therefore not want to go into a situation or setting that is putting them at risk emotionally or physically. Unfortunately, taking time off school without a reason the school considers valid, can cause issues for families. Knowing how to tackle this is not easy nor straightforward as each school will handle this differently. Some may be supportive and understanding whereas others may be restrictive in their approach.
On this page
First steps to take
In the first instance, it is essential to support your child in how they are feeling. If they are feeling very low and you are worried, speak to your GP as they may be able to refer your child for counselling. If it has got to the point your child feels unable to go to school, the impact of the bullying must be really taking its toll on them inside and out. Let them know that you are there for them and will support them no matter what. This level of reassurance will give them strength and help them feel empowered.
Making contact with the school
It is important to speak to the school as soon as you can. Be honest about why your child is off school so they can investigate the situation. Let them know you are willing to work with them, but your child does not feel safe either physically or emotionally at this present time. It is understandable that they will be encouraging you to try and get your child to come to school but it is important to trust your gut instincts. Ask the school to deal with this sensitively and appropriately. Hopefully, if this is case, you can work together to bring a resolve to this situation. It can be useful to obtain a copy of the school’s anti-bullying policy, this way you will be aware of the procedure the school states they will follow when they receive reports of bullying. This is also a good opportunity to involve the safeguarding lead at the school to ensure they keep your child safe at school.
Get in touch with your Local Authority as they may be able to provide practical support through the Education Welfare Officer. They can often make a big difference so children can go back into school quickly and with the continued support they need. They will most likely come up with a plan that everyone agrees with to help your child feel more supported. This may be a phased return or a reduced timetable which may be more manageable for your child.
If this doesn't make a difference you can speak to Ofsted and make a complaint about how things are being dealt with. This should be the last resort if you are unable to come up with a plan or agreement on phasing your child back into school.
What you can do to support your child
Your child may be feeling a range of emotions, such as anger, anxiety, frightened or depressed because of the bullying they have endured. Bullying can cause a child to have all kinds of emotions and these are valid and natural under the circumstance. Encourage your child to open up about how they feel so they do not bottled up their feelings. Your child may be feeling very anxious and insecure so show them plenty of affection and reassurance. Let your child know that you are there for them when they need you.
Help your child to talk about what has happened. Talking together also gives you the opportunity to understand how your child feels about the experience and gives them a safe space to ask questions. Allow them to talk freely without interruption, and answer their questions as honestly as you can, in an age-appropriate way. Talking about difficult subjects can be reassuring for some children as it helps them to understand what has occurred and how to process this.
Dealing with your feelings
This will be a very difficult time for most parents. You may be feeling helpless, angry and deflated all at once at what is going on and this is understandable. Watching your child go through such a traumatic time is frightening for families. It is important to find ways to recharge your batteries so that you have the energy to tackle this issue with the school or Local Authority. If you are working, talk to your employer about what you are experiencing so they can give you some flexibility. If you can, lean on your friends and family for moral support too.
Further resources
If you would like further support and advice, call our helpline on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service or message us via WhatsApp on 07441 444125 to connect with experienced professional family support workers and highly-trained volunteers. You may find it helps to find out how other parents and carers have coped with this on our online forums. We also have a range of free self-guided online parenting courses that can help through the ages and stages of parenting.
Our online parenting information is written by experienced parenting professionals. Find out more about our content authors, how it is produced, reviewed and edited.
Other organisations that can help
Not Fine in School provide support for parents through practical advice and private Facebook groups
Red Balloon provide an 'intensive care' full-time education for children aged between 9 and 18 who are unable to go to school because they have been severely bullied or who have suffered trauma.
Child Law Advice have an education line where you can get advice and information about taking time off school because of bullying.