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Creating a co-parenting plan after a separation
Co-parenting is when both parents work together, share responsibility and make decisions about the care and best interests of their children, after parental separation. We know that parenting apart can be challenging, especially if there has been a painful relationship breakdown or if you struggle to communicate. However, to give your children a stable and secure upbringing, it is important to be able to prioritise their needs above any difficulties you may have with your ex.
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What is a co-parenting plan?
A co-parenting plan can help by creating a clear road map for important decisions about your children’s life. It is a voluntary, informal written agreement which can help you work together by focusing on important practical issues relating to your children.
Having a plan could help to reduce any conflict and may help to avoid a legal route if both parties work together. It lays out ground rules for moving forward and sets expectations for everyone involved.
A co-parenting plan can cover a broad range of issues that both parents consider important, and examples include:
- Living arrangements
- Family contact time
- Finances
- School
- Health
- Foreign travel
- Rules around new partners
- How you can resolve issues if things change
What helps to ensure the plan is effective?
Involve the children in the plan’s creation in an age-appropriate way. This will help them feel included, listened to and valued but, importantly, as the plan focuses on them, their involvement is needed to help the plan be a success.
It is best to consider a co-parenting plan as a working document which can be amended and changed over time, according to your children’s needs and their age and stage of development. A plan that is flexible, realistic and not too prescriptive is more likely to succeed, as rigid expectations could set the plan up to fail and be a cause of disagreement.
By creating and sticking to your plan, you will be showing to your children your commitment to their happiness and stability.
You may find it helpful to sign up to our free online parenting course on co-parenting after divorce or separation to help you co-parent more effectively. The course contains four modules and you can work through your own pace.
How to get started with a co-parenting plan
It can be hard to know where to start with creating a co-parenting plan. We also know that when there has been a relationship breakdown, it can be hard to reach agreements because of strong and difficult emotions. Try to stay calm and positive, with a focus on the children’s best interests and their future rather than issues and disagreements you have had in the past.
Approaching discussions in a structured way is really important, so that you are clear about what needs to be included in your plan. Breaking it down into sections of key issues will also help it to feel more manageable.
Here are some questions to include in a co-parenting plan:
- What are the agreed living arrangements/contact times?
- What happens if one of you needs to make a change to the schedule?
- What happens if one of you is ill and cannot care for the children?
- What is the best way for you to communicate any changes or issues?
- Who else is going to be involved in the children’s care (e.g. extended family)?
- What happens during school holidays, birthdays and religious times?
- Who is going to be responsible for the children’s documents (e.g. passport/birth certificate)? Do you need to agree that it won’t be withheld from the other parent?
- Who is responsible for the purchasing of school uniform, general clothing, trips and holidays?
- How is child maintenance going to be managed (e.g. will there be a transfer of money)?
- What is the best way to share school and health information?
- How often are you going to review this agreement to ensure it is effective and working for the children?
- How will you resolve issues if you feel the agreement is breaking down?
How to create a co-parenting plan
You can create your own plan but there are also parenting plan templates available online, which can help guide you through the process.
CAFCASS’s online parenting plan is a helpful template that can remove the need for difficult face-to-face discussions. One parent starts the plan online and makes suggestions which is then sent as a proposal to the other co-parent. The plan can continue to be sent between parents until an agreement has been reached.
Mediation could also be helpful if you are struggling as it supports co-parents to have meaningful and productive discussions. Mediation takes a children-focused approach with the intention of reaching positive agreements without conflict.
Is a co-parenting plan a legal agreement?
Remember, a co-parenting plan is not a legal document in itself. It is possible to formalise the plan, make it legally binding and enforceable in family court by applying for a Consent Order. For more information on this, please see the Child Law Advice information on Consent Orders.
Further resources
If you would like further support and advice, call our helpline on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service, which is open, Monday to Friday between 10.30am and 9pm. You may find it helps to find out how other parents and carers have coped with this on our online forums. We also have a range of free online parenting courses that can help through the ages and stages of parenting.
Other organisations that can help
Visit the CAFCASS website for a template to create a parenting plan
For advice you can speak to the Child Law Advice service
You may find it helpful to visit the National Family Mediation website