Parental alienating behaviours is a collective term for a number of different, consistently negative behaviours, views and attitudes expressed by one parent, carer or guardian. Some examples include:
These behaviours could be seen as an attempt to damage or weaken the relationship between the child and the opposing parent. Parental alienating behaviours can be highly stressful and anxious for everyone involved, especially the children.
Parental alienating behaviours can have a huge impact on children’s emotional and mental health and can result in behavioural and emotional health issues.
The emotional impact: A child may feel anxiety as they hear the negative narrative about the alienated parent and feel as though they need to share those feelings to appease the other parent. This is very stressful for a child and can cause long term issues with their self-esteem and mental health. This could lead to depression as they are possibly navigating feelings of guilt, fear and potentially post-traumatic stress disorder. They may have trouble forming relationships later on if they have a lack of trust or attachment.
Behavioural impact: The emotional turmoil can have a huge impact on their behaviour as they may react in an angry or aggressive way towards others. They may feel the need to withdraw or isolate from others too. It can impact their school life as it may cause issues with their ability to learn. The child may end up struggling to express their emotions or true feelings.
It is important to note that the impact can vary depending on the child, their circumstances and the severity of the alienation. However, it is important to understand what the long-term consequences can be when they are exposed to parental alienation.
For more information about the impact on children and research into this, please visit the Cafcass website.
Sometimes parents have no choice but to stop contact between a child and their other parent due to safeguarding concerns or domestic abuse, but it is important to seek legal advice if there is a court order in place. If you are in, or have left, an abusive relationship and you feel it is unsafe for your children to have contact with the offending parent, it is important to consider reporting your concerns to the police. Seeking support from organisations such as The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, Women’s Aid or Refuge is really important for long term help and guidance.
If you would like further support and advice, call our helpline on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service, which is open, Monday to Friday between 10.30am and 9pm. You may find it helps to find out how other parents and carers have coped with this on our online forums. We also have a range of free online parenting courses that can help through the ages and stages of parenting.