What is shared parenting

What is shared parenting

Shared parenting goes wider than the time each parent spends with their children. It involves the child spending a significant proportion of their time with each parent. But it does not imply a stated or fixed proportion of parenting time being allocated to each parent, much less that the child’s time be divided equally between the two parents in every case. 

If children only spend a limited amount of time with their non-resident parent, such as a fortnightly visit with sometime around holidays, this is not considered shared parenting. Parents with so little active parenting time cannot be effectively involved in any important decisions that need to be taken. 

It is important to note that shared parenting does not imply a single time in a child’s life. It refers to a childhood-long parenting plan. The plan is reviewed periodically and adapted to fit a child’s emotional and physical needs as they grow. 

Families Need Fathers have created some helpful and achievable objectives that helps both parents share parenting.

• That the children feel that they have two involved parents
• That the parents have broadly equal 'moral authority' in the eyes of the children and that the children have free access to both their parents if there are issues affecting them
• That the children are able to share the lives of both their parents 'in the round' - for example not spending all 'routine time' with one parent and only 'leisure time' with the other
• That the parents are in a position of legal and moral equality, and are considered in this light by the children as well as friends, neighbours, teachers etc as well as public authorities, this would apply to routine as well as major matters
• That there is no part of the children's lives, for example their school life or having friends, that one parent is excluded from by virtue of the allocation of parenting time or the law on separation/divorce and children

How to apply these objectives will take discussion and negotiation, taking into account the individual needs and wishes of the children and parents. At this stage, it would be helpful to create a co-parenting plan to help both parents to work together in the children’s best interests.

How to make shared parenting work

If the children are with the non-resident parent at the weekends, try to encourage the other parent to pick the children up from school and/or drop them off after the weekend. This helps the other parent to be more involved in their school life, teachers and other school parents.

If the children are staying with the other parent during the week, encourage them to be involved in homework, play dates, etc. This will increase the range of activities that the children share with both parents.

It is important that both parents work together to create a plan for school holidays, festive season and other special days. Taking turns and sharing the day is really important so both parents can be involved.

The lives of babies and children too young to go to school are less constrained. Shared parenting will often mean a more equal allocation of parenting time than is possible for older children, which can benefit both parents e.g. by allowing them to do paid work more easily, as well as the child.

If one parent has time constraints that restrict their availability, try to work together to find a way to meet everyone’s needs.  

Try to encourage contact time with wider family members such as grandparents and this can be worked into a co-parenting plan.

The benefits of shared parenting

Shared parenting, where both parents actively participate in their child's life can have a positive impact on both children and parents.

For children who have regular contact with both parents may have better emotional wellbeing and a stronger sense of belonging. Shared parenting helps boost stronger relationships between the children and parents which can help to increase trust, communication and support. It can also contribute to positive social and emotional development in children, as they have exposure to different life experiences.

For parents, shared parenting can help lighten the load of raising children. It can help reduce stress and parental burnout as both parents are sharing responsibilities. It can also help develop stronger bonds with the children leading to happier relationships.

Open communication, flexibility, and a focus on making it work for the children’s best interests is important.You may find it helpful to read the factsheet from Families Need Fathers for more information.

We have a free online parenting course on co-parenting after a divorce or separaton. Our free course covers the impact of separation, communication, resident and non-resident parents and self-care and managing new relationships. SIgn up for our free online parenting course.