Teenage depression

Supporting your teen

If you have noticed a change in your child’s mood and are worried, talking with them about it is very important. This may be difficult for you to do because you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious yourself, which is understandable, however, don’t shy away from it.  If you are struggling, imagine what they might be feeling.

Here are a few tips to help you start a difficult conversation:

Think about where to have the conversation. Choosing a time and place when they are feeling relaxed is important.  For example, these conversations may be easier when you are doing a gentle activity like travelling in the car or doing the washing up. Avoiding direct eye contact can be helpful to teenagers, as this will feel less threatening for them.

Think about how you might open the conversation. You need to show them that you are not judging them for how they are feeling and you want to help them feel better. For example, you could say something like: “I have noticed that you don’t seem yourself at the moment” or “I am worried there is something going on for you and wonder if you are struggling to tell me about it?”.

Identify a behaviour. This can be useful in helping your child understand why you are concerned. For example, if you have noticed your child becoming more easily upset or if they are struggling to get out of bed, say this to them in a concerned and loving way.

Remind them how much you love them. Talking about thoughts and feelings can be overwhelming, especially if they are confusing, frightening or embarrassing. Reminding your child that, no matter what, you love them and you want to help them through this difficult time, will make all the difference. You will be sending your child a clear message that they are not alone.

Reassure them things will get better. With the right help, things will get better and they are not going to feel this way forever.

Be patient. If your child struggles to open up, don’t worry. Don’t get frustrated or put pressure on them. Just reassure them that you understand how difficult this must be for them.  You can then try again another day and start by saying “I wonder if you’ve been able to think about what I said the other day, I am still concerned about you”. Alternatively, encourage them to identify a trusted adult like a youth worker, teacher or family friend, who they might feel more comfortable opening up to about their feelings.