6min read
Supporting your child when someone dies
When you have lost someone through death, a partner, child, family member or friend, it may seem overwhelming to offer support to your child. The loss experienced will have changed everything and each family member will be trying to make sense of what has happened in their own way.
Supporting your child
When a child has experienced bereavement, they may not understand what has happened and how to feel about this. Children may not have tools to process such complex emotions. Supporting your child through this is essential but it is important to look after yourself too.
Children need a safe space to talk about how they are feeling. Putting names to their feelings can help them. Encourage them to talk about their emotions, memories or any worries they may have. Reassure them that it is ok to feel sad, angry or scared and that this is a natural part of processing the loss.
Children might have many questions about death and what happens after someone dies. This is a natural part of their curiosity as they learn about the world around them. Some of the questions may not have simple answers and it is ok to say you are not sure. It is important to be patient and listen to them. They may want to get involved in the planning of the funeral or getting flowers, etc. Allow them the space to do this so they can say their goodbyes in a way that feels right for them.
Your child may look at you to understand how to react appropriately. Share your feelings in a way they understand and is simple. This shows them that grieving is a natural process when you have lost someone you care about. If they see you cry or get upset, this is ok as it teaches them that this is a part of the healing process.
Why routines can help
Life may feel a bit chaotic and stressful so keeping to a regular routine can provide them with stability and normality. This also gives them the predictability that they need to heal from the loss.
Behaviour changes
It is natural that your child may have some difficulties with their behaviour as they process the bereavement. They may withdraw, feel angrier than usual or have issues with sleeping or anxious feelings. They may need some extra support and lots of reassurance. If you feel they need additional support, please do speak to your GP.
It is important to let the school know that they have experienced this bereavement as they may be able to offer support within the school environment.
Further resources
If you would like further support and advice, call our helpline on 0808 800 2222 or email us at askus@familylives.org.uk. You can talk to us online via our live chat service or message us via WhatsApp on 07441 444125 to connect with experienced professional family support workers and highly-trained volunteers. You may find it helps to find out how other parents and carers have coped with this on our online forums. We also have a range of free self-guided online parenting courses that can help through the ages and stages of parenting.
Our online parenting information is written by experienced parenting professionals. Find out more about our content authors, how it is produced, reviewed and edited.
Other organisations that can help
Winston’s Wish supports bereaved children, young people, their families and the professionals who support them.
Cruse Bereavement Care help people through one of the most painful times in life – with bereavement support, information and campaigning.
The Compassionate Friends provide support for parents and families when a child has died.